Thursday 26 June 2008

shit head

Here comes again. Another shitty birthday. 26th of JUNE.......!!!!
I'm spending my birthday crying my heart out ALONE...AGAIN
Again
My boyfriend sucks....one after another....they never do anything to make me feel any better. Tai? He just doesn't and never will care. All he talks about is how bored he is. What the fuck!?!?!Why the hell i'm still wasting my time with him.
Again
I'm missing Australia. I'm missing all my friends and the exotic party i could have had... but nope! again...it was only a dream
Really, I should stop dreaming... wishing..... expecting..... and planning to do anyting. it'll just never work out.

Saturday 14 June 2008

pain

I'm hurt.... I'm feeling hurt.... I've been hurt for a long time..... I'm so hurt
My HEART aches so badly....
It's been almost 9 months already that we've been together.... Ever since, I couldn't go on even pass ONE week without crying to myself quietly...! Why do I feel so unhappy? Isn't love supposed to be all about support, feeling fullfied, and HAPPINESS??
I can't take it anymore, but yet i'm still keep walking on this road full of thorns. I know...yes I know. It must come to an end one day. I just couldn't make it TODAY!
I can no longer holds the pressure, the stress, and the unhappiness within my two hands. It's continues to leak more than I can bare.
Why does he care about himself so much and ignore my needs and wants? Hunny.... am I asking and wanting too much again?
You are never wrong! It's always me and everytime you say the word "sorry" is only because you want to get it over and done with.
I want to be with a person who appreciates who I am, understands me, and passionates about me. Obviously, you are non of those.
God.... Please give me courage and strength to move on and go through this pain. It's so painful. I'm sick of myself, my thoughts, and my tears.
I'm feeling so unhappy - - - - and i wanna get out of it! May be the word "lonely" would be better. I've tried the best I could.........
It's just the fact that two people have been raised and seen too many different things; therefore, grown up to want different outcomes from relationships.
What I would like he cannot give me... and of course what he wants, are impossible for me to give him as well.
I'm so hurt.
I'm no longer ME
I want to go back to the REAL ME
I wanna be happy again.
God please help.
what should I do? I want this to end....
But i don't know what i'm scared of.....
God please god