Happy Birthday To "ME"

It's my birthday today, so what? There is nothing real exciting about it. My friends never really give a damn about me so it keeps me wonder whether this is the right group with the right people for me. All they really care is just drinking, smoking, and boyfriends. It's just a world I cannot reach.

Am I really a nobody?

It's my birthday. Happy Birthday to me!!!!

W-A-S-T-E

Today is just anther day. I'm wasting my time, throwing it all away, doing absolutely nothing. Am I lazy or just not active? May be I am both.

I just really hate having to stay at home all day and not knowing what is there outside the house. I just wanna get out!!! But if I do go out.......to where???

I guess there're lots of things out there for me to do. I just have to go and get it. And definately start something AWAY from BED!!!

It's funny how people are so positive about themselves, isn't it? I mean, I am sometimes a million miles positive about myself. Like how many friends I have compared to some people, though I have no real friends.

Yet sometimes, people can be just so negative about themselves. Again, this I am. Now I am!

May be I need to find a balance, and may be my life will become happier. Even if just a tiny bit, but as long as it is better..... I still want it.

Anyway, what I am sure for now is that I need to stop procastinating and start doing what I have planned to do. Or otherwise, this holiday will be just another WASTE!!!!

Good Dream

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Yesterday was the last day of Nitade inter activity room. I'll miss it a lot. I'll miss the laughter, the stress, the tears, the gossip, and the fun we 11 staff members had shared together. Thank you everyone. You all have taught me lots and lots of things, especially love.

Also, now i totally understand what it feels like to be a senior. After being a baby freshmen for the whole year and have all the seniors looking out for me, now it is time to return those feelings and willingness to this year's nitade babies. Yesterday I understood. I am no longer the baby. Our year is no longer the first year students. And I promise, I'll look after these babies of nitade#43 no less than the other seniors years had done for us.

May be it is true that "Love is what you give without expecting anything in return." I'll try to give that love to the 'nongs', my friends, and my sisters and brothers the best I can.

Thank you na ja everyone.....

Missing Australia's soil

How long has it been since my first step away from Australia's soil?

It's been TOO Long.

I Just miss everything about it.

I miss the laughter of friends, the japanese class, the party life, the boarding life, the sleep over, the atmosphere, the air, the cold whether, the beach, the bay run, the scenary, the accent, the TV shows, the strangers, the culture, and the freedom!!

Everything is just so different here.

I just wanna be able to make decision on my own again. To decide and then do it straight after.

I wanna have my freedom again. Freedom to do anything without being judged, without the gossip and back stabbing, and without the widging and endless complains by my parents.

Freedom to be ME.

Of couse, it shouldn't be that hard to adjust. Other people can live through it. Plus, I was born here and I can speak the language fluently, but hey, I spent all of my teenage life in Australia...and I miss it. A Lot!

Sometimes i wonder how i'd turned out if i chose to go back and stay in Sydney. Would I have been more mature? or who would be my college room mates? What kind of life i would have? and how different would it be 20 years from now?

I can only wonder.......

And I will be fine.

Once we've made a decision and walked further to the path for a while, you can't just turn around and walk the other path. You have to be proud of what you've chose to do, or else, you'd have nothing left. You may wonder, but you shall not dwelling on about it.

Make today your best. Be the best you can be.